No, I will not support your charity. Charities that fall into either of these categories will not get my time or money: helping children or fighting disease.
I will not buy candy or cookies or candles or magazine subscriptions or whatever ridiculously overpriced crap it is this week to support your kid’s extra-curricular activity. It’s not my job. Children should be put in metal desks, given information via computer monitor, and then questioned about that information. Incorrect answers will result in a mild electric shock. The information could be presented again and the student tested again until all information had been retained. “All information” will include how to be of value to society.
Why do I love this plan, because it would be inexpensive and effective and it would crush the teacher’s union. Now I’m sure that there are some teachers who really believe that they are performing a noble service that we, as society, shun. Sure cops and fire fighters and soldiers get all the glory, but if everyone was just retaining more information we probably wouldn’t need any of them.
The problem no one wants to acknowledge is: some kids will never get out of the desk. I have no objection to you feeding and watering those kids. I think these kids should be ground up and fed to the kids that can learn but since I am a reasonable man you can keep the dumb ones as pets.
The metal chairs would fold up allowing the student to run on a treadmill, presenting the physical activity necessary for proper health. This would also not interrupt the presentation of information on the aforementioned monitor.
Oh yeah, we were crushing the teacher’s union. The union is just a bunch of people who get paid to whine and complain. Now they would really have something to complain about and no one would pay them. The only thing funnier than that kind of biting wit is a kid stuck down a well. Man, I love wells.
Why am I not the Secretary of Education?
Let’s get back to why I’m not supporting your charity. I don’t like children. I especially don’t like your children. I told you not to have them. Don’t come crying to me when you can’t afford to care for them. Your noisy germ bags are your problem end of discussion.
7 comments:
Isn't your sister a teacher and one of those never-shuts-up union activists? Yet this post has silenced her.
Seriously, keep posting if you're going to make Claudia be quiet. She gets all uppity and opinionated and stuff at my blog.
I am an elementary school teacher librarian and probably should be offended by this post, but it is just too funny to get mad about! I think it would be better to grind up some of the parents for worm food. Afterall, the kids are only helpless victims of genetics. It would be a real tasty dish if we threw in a tenured teacher or two for a little hint of stale flavoring.
1) Who ever said I never shut up should not be a coward and reveal his name.
2) Andrew, I guess you should pay Dad back for all those years he supported you on the salary negotiated by the teacher's union. Oh yeah, and he should give back his pension negotiated by the teacher's union and you should support him and Mom in their old age.
Look GB, comments from (at least one, don't know who anon is) person not related to you! What a happy day in the life of a dedicated misanthrope! Everyone has a niche in this world, I say. Congrats.
Claudia, I think he could sell the ground children as livestock feed to support the parents, so it would all work out in the end.
Oh alright, if everyone insists on shoving children in a meat grinder, I have students I'd like to nominate.
I'm not totally against tenure and the union, as long as we can weed out those who misuse it. Why is it that people who are incompetent still have jobs?
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