I was recently involved in Denver Digs Trees annual tree sale and distribution. As you may or may not know Colorado does not have a climate or landscape that facilitates natural tree reproduction. The ground is too hard and dusty and there is not enough rainfall to encourage seeds to take root. Almost all of the trees in Colorado's metropolitan areas were planted by people.
For those of you thinking that I care about oxygen or cleaning up pollution or any of that other crap trees take credit for, "What are you, stupid? Have you not been paying attention?" I plant trees because I hate people I would like to see them wiped off the planet. I side with the trees because they have like a 1 billion year evolutionary head start and none of them whine that global warming will flood the coasts.
On a related note, if there are any predatory alien species waiting to take over the earth I pledge my allegiance to you. If you would give me intergalactic travel or maybe death rays to shoot out of my eyes I will gladly, nee gleefully, destroy anyone and anything that opposes you.
So my job as a tree handler / mulch bagger entailed standing in garage full of trees and getting them for the customers. Someone calls out the name of the tree, I check the label, select the correct tree, put the roots in a bag, fill bag with mulch, give to customer, tell them to go away. Apparently the job of all the old ladies is to tell dumb stories, stand where I'm trying to walk, tell me they can identify trees better than the tag put there by the nursery, and keep me from getting another organic soda, which suck by the way, corporate sponsor.
Do you know what they did next? Wait. That's the tingling in my arm the doctor says I should call him about. Where are my pills, dammit?!
6 comments:
You tell 'em! I support your thought process, especially about the aliens.
Perhaps if old ladies were used to make mulch, yoou could have two problems solved at once.
Isn't your sister an old lady that never shuts up about trees?
I like the new site link, and the apt renaming of my description. "Fancy book learnin'." Yeah, what I'm talkin' bout, yo.
Do you know any other inland blogs so that you're not damned to be the only non-Eastern blog with your lonely, solitary, category forever?
I've got some friends in the mental health community, and I've convinced them to use your blog to diagnosis the mental defect you posses. As you and your silly libertarian minded allies don't believe in national health care (unlike the entire rest of the civilized world), this is the best you are going to get.
Lonely old ladies = inheritance for me if I'm nice to them. From now on you just need to ask them if they have lineal descendants, and more importantly, if they like them.
Jason, I didn't know "diagnosis" was a verb, as in "to diagnosois." GB, stop reading my blog without posting something to yours at the same time. You are about to be given the title of World's Most Delinquent Blogger. Surely, you have more rants in you than 1-2 per month.
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